According to Merriam-Webster, the word “Privilege” means “a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor: PREROGATIVE ;especially :such a right or immunity attached specifically to a position or an office.
Seems pretty severe, right?
Now ask yourself how “privilege” can affect your relationship(s) as they pertain to Ethical Non-Monogamy or ENM?
Here are some examples of “privilege” within the ENM realm. As you read each instance, try to determine how they adversely affect finding and keeping partners:
1 – My wife and I are looking for a second wife.
2 – You can have your own room in our house.
3 – You can date others of your own gender however I will be the only other gender in the relationship.
4 – You must like (fill in the blank).
5 - You must move as I / we are not willing to or cannot move.
6 - You must have sexual relations with my other partner.
7 - You cannot date anyone outside of the main relationship
Though not a complete list, these top 7 privilege statements are seen over and over again.
Imagine you are either a single person, couple, or group looking for ENM connections and you read any these statements.
Below is what they are probably thinking to each of the above-mentioned statements:
1 – Why would I accept being second? Why do I have to be a wife? I’m not in this to be less than someone else.
2 – Getting a place for my stuff is wonderful however if I move in wouldn’t your home now be all of ours?
3 – If you are cool with me dating others of my own gender and not the opposite gender, are you hiding insecurities or jealousy issues?
4 – Must is a harsh word. What about tolerate or be open to?
5 – But what about if I have a great job, a stable home, friends? I may not want to uproot myself to live with you. Why can’t I have both?
6 – I share my body with whom I choose. Just because I want to date you, doesn’t mean I should feel obligated to sleep with your other half. I am not a toy.
7 – Cannot is an absolute. This isn’t fair. What if I meet someone locally or someone that peaks my interest and I’m not into fidelity? Is this a trust or jealousy issue?
As with everything we ever post here on PolyMatchMaker, we strive to explain that each person should do Ethical Non-Monogamy how they want to and create their own boundaries and expectations with other consenting adults. It is important to think outside of your own box and make note of the exact wording and tone that you express here on this site. Consider the readers prospective when reviewing your bio.
Privilege in ENM isn’t pretty.
Until next time,
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This blog was written by a member of TeamPMM on November 24th 2017 and all content is the property of ChronoViking LLC. PolyMatchMaker® is a registered trademark