I know it's been a while since we've written – so much has happened here on PMM and the world that we've been a bit squeezed by life we haven't had time to sit, process, and disseminate thoughts.
Today we're going to cover 2 topics:
1 – How the landscape of PMM members (PMMers) has changed over the last few years and our personal view of how that change will affect not only this site, but dating in general.
2 – Terminology and slang skewed. Be clear, avoid misunderstandings to find partners!
Subject 1: The ever evolving PMM member
When PMM started over 15 years ago (OMG) there were very few, if any other sites like it. It thrived as a small start-up focusing solely on community building and managing the "new" concept of "polyamory". As PMM matured, so did its membership. Within the last 6 years, PMM's organic membership boomed and what was once a need for general information turned into an absolute go-to place to meet likeminded people. PMM altered its focus from a strictly polyamory-limited viewpoint and moved towards a broader approach; "Ethical Non-Monogamy". That broader bridge expanded PMM's membership base to include anyone seeking to meet others that want multiple partners in an ethical, consensual, and open way.
The PMM member has also changed. While there will continue to be couples looking for a single female to join their relationship, we have seen significant changes of the viewpoints and desires of from PolyMatchMaker's membership. These include, but are not limited to, couples dating separately or independent of each other, couples seeking single males, singles looking for singles that have other partnerships or primary relationships, non-hierarchical relationships, female identified members seeking 2 or more male identified partnerships, intentional group dynamics, and so on.
Ethical non-monogamy's numeric configurations can be vast, however they were, until recently, mostly limited to the number three (aka triads). This too is changing and it is exciting to see the variations of relationship dynamics altering to fit the situation rather than a pre-conceived notion of non-monogamous perfection.
To sum up this portion, it is important that you have an idea of the types of partners and relationships that you want; however, be open minded enough to see, understand, and relate to, new concepts of ethical non-monogamy. Your partner may be out there, but they have their own unique desires and vision of their perfect relationship.
Subject 2: Terminology and slang skewed
In this section, we are going to discuss two very different types of communications. We here at PMM read every single biography that joins the site, it's part of our "no junk profiles" policy and something we are damn proud of, but I digress...
To begin, let's chat about the subject of "terminology".
You've decided to make a profile here on PolyMatchMaker because not only are you wise beyond your years, but you really want to make connections with other ethical non-monogamists from not only your area but around the world. Awesome! We applaud your decision. However now that you are actually quertying (typing) your way to an amazing profile you are pondering not only what you have to offer, but want to make sure that you use terminology that other members will find meaningful and "get" or understand. Well, I'm here to give you some odd advice. Stop with the buzz-words and really type out what it is you are seeking.
Why? Read on!
You are reading, listening to, and intaking tons of new information about ethical non-monogamy, open relationships, multi-partner fidelity, and consensual non-monogamy, right? Have you hit overload? What is a real term and what is fluff? Who makes up this stuff? Well, truthfully – we all do.
We, the web based ethical non-monogamists who have varied and extensive experience in relationships, relationship building, and in our case, running this website, have been known to create terminology. We have also used said terminology as well as other-sourced terminology that is common around Ethical Non-Monogamy, check out our acronyms link here (which is now clickable due to the magic of HTML ha!)
I, this particular TeamPMM member, first typed the words "Ethical Non-Monogamy" on our home page years ago and pat myself on the back every time I re-read it, and secretly giggle when I read it on other places, because - yay me!
With that said, not everyone reads, listens to, or is as involved in, the subject of terminology as you. Some people are just curious about subjects such as Ethical Non-Monogamy, open sexuality, sex positivity, and the freedom to express themselves in a multi-partner way without seeking the most common buzz-words. Terminology may not only confuse but aggravate people wishing to read about how freaking awesome you are when checking out your profile. Take a moment to ponder this:
Example of the use of terminology within a member profile:
Bad: I'm in an N config and looking for an intentional community
Good: I have a fantastic girlfriend. Her husband is one of my best friends and his girlfriend is also amazing. Someday we hope to grab some farmland and create our own space in this world.
While the "bad" example is short, it doesn't get to the point across as well as the "good" example.
Now on to the use of slang and acronyms...
Let's face it, slang and acronyms are part of our daily lives and their use is common, regional, and generational. "HMU" (hit me up) versus "call me" versus "shout out" versus "PM/DM me" can all pretty much mean the same thing – depending on who's reading them. The problem is, the use of slang and/or acronyms can be confusing, misunderstood, and can prevent true communication with potential partners. Sure, it's easy to type GGG, but what does that actually mean to you, to them? What advantages are you providing to a partner? If you are such a good, giving, and game person, detail why, otherwise it's just an acronym that some people just won't get. Not everyone is using slang and/or acronyms to communicate and if you assume that you will only connect with people who use the same slang as you do, you may be wasting your time and others. Write your biography broadly without being overwhelming. Detail in real words what you want, who you are, and what you are looking for.
At the end of the day, simple, clear communication is the best way to connect with others.
Don't shake your head, we've been running this site for a really long time.
Until next time –
Member questions can be sent in using the Contact Us button at the top of the site
Media questions can be sent to email@example.com
This blog was written by a member of TeamPMM on May 22, 2017 and all content is the property of ChronoViking LLC. PolyMatchMaker® is a registered trademark