Hello fellow ethical-non-monogamists and polyamorists!
Back in April 2015, we were approached to assist with adding to an article slated for, what we believed to have been, the Huffington Post.
Unfortunately, we haven’t heard anything from the “requester” after submitting our portion. We had worked our butts off writing the following and thought it worthy of our news section.
Read and enjoy.
A bit of background, www.PolyMatchMaker.com (PMM for short) has been serving the Ethical Non-Monogamous community for almost 15 years. The Team members here at PMM, collectively called “TeamPMM”, have seen considerable growth and expansion in membership spanning a wide range, and different types, of Ethical Non-Monogamy. While the definition of Polyamory, typically “to love many” is still high on the list of the membership requirements, we are now seeing and catering to those who do not wish to limit the types of connections that they wish to have. The one comparative component that the variations of Ethical Non-Monogamists have is that all parties are aware of each other.
PMM has its own definitions of Ethical Non-Monogamy, which can be read at our home page www.polymatchmaker.com, we will list them here for further clarification:
* Ethical Swinging
* Ethical Hedonism
* Open Honest Relationships
* Meaningful Multi-Partner Relationships
* Swinging with Emotional Connections
* Everyone should have the right to love who they want as long as all partners are consenting legal adults.
It is important to note here that TeamPMM originally wrote this list and it continues to expand as we learn more about our own journeys and those of the membership.
Now onto your direct questions:
Q1. Your site seems to be responding to a need in the online dating community for people in open or poly relationships to find non-monogamous partners. Is the site meant to help people find relationships or hook ups outside of those relationships?
A1. PMM caters to all types of Ethical Non-Monogamists. If a member is looking for an LTR (long term relationship) they may find others with the same goal. Additionally, some of the same members also list within their profiles that short term or even FWB (friends with benefits) are acceptable as well. We must stress again, Ethical Non-Monogamy, the bedrock on PMM’s principles, is what sets PMM apart.
Q2. Obviously people can still cheat even if they are in open or poly relationships if they are going outside of their monogamy agreements. Curious what you think about that.
A2. Though it is impossible to truly know every members intentions, through our joining process we have notified and course corrected new members if their profiles read as if they are cheating and/or intentionally hiding the fact that they are seeking partnerships outside of what is on their plate at the moment. The triggers for TeamPMM, the administration force behind the website, are phrases or text that looks similar to “My wife/husband/partner doesn’t know” or “We have a don’t ask don’t tell (DADT) policy” or even something as simple as the use of the word “discrete” when speaking about the flow of a potential relationship with a significant other. It is complex, but we’ve caught a few in our day. With that said, whether TeamPMM or an existing PMM member is checking out a profile, it’s all about reading the context of a profile in an attempt to gauge the desire of a potential member. This is something that every member of the site must do; read a profile, see if there are similarities, determine if the potential partner is a feasible option, and then move onto next steps.
Q3. Also, how do your users protect their privacy when using the site, and what are some of their concerns and questions that you think might be at the forefront of their minds when using the site?
A3b. We believe that the number one worry of membership may be “being outted” as Ethical Non-Monogamy; specifically the subset identifying as Polyamorous, which has a stereotype due to what is shown on TV and mass media. Ethical Non-Monogamy can be anything, without limits or boundaries sans one " be ethical.
A3c. The site is designed with unique principles set in place that span not only the usage of the site, but also in also how it is displayed to non-members and members alike. For example, to see who is a member of PMM, one must join it.
Q4. As a dating site how does your site differ from other niche sites (edited by PMM)?
A4. We do not wish to nit-pick here. Each must have their own audience. www.polymatchmaker.com however wishes to serve the Ethical Non-Monogamous community. Our membership spans many different types of people from all different walks of life, demographics, vanilla to hard kink, and gender to non-binary, LGBTQC, and so on.
Q5. Does your site include articles on things like dealing with jealousy, and other issues that could come up for users, and are they written by experts and licensed professionals?
A5. There was a time, over ten years ago, when previous members of the administration did their best to pen articles and encouragement on the road to Ethical Non-Monogamy, however PMM’s main focus is and always has been to connect members of similar mindset. When PMM first started, resources were low and it was hard to find information, specifically from specialists in the field. PMM does display some articles that speak to the terminology of the site, its usage, and even how to think about internet dating such as http://www.polymatchmaker.com/go/safedate. Now however, as Ethical Non-Monogamy has become more commonplace and understood as a viable relationship model to so many, there are resources on the internet that can be found easily if properly searched. We know our website well; PMM brings like-minds together.
Q6. Is there anything else that you think it might be important for readers to know? For professional therapists working with people in non-monogamous relationships to know? For people in open relationships?
A6a. This is perhaps the most important question of all of the previous questions combined.
i. Know that you are not alone; you have options in this world if you are honest with yourself and those to whom you love.
ii. Know that you have the right to be accepted no matter what your sexual orientation is or even your birth or chosen gender or even non-gender.
iii. Believe that you are a powerful person who has the capacity to love and care for whomever and how many consenting adults as you wish.
iv. You can strive to be and connect with people on many levels and that you do not have to keep yourself in your self-made box.
v. Love does not have to be equal; you can love at many levels.
vi. Love does not have to be forever, nor does it have to live with you.
vii. Consider that your identity is human; everything else is gravy.
viii. Consider avoiding thoughts that an existing or new partnership is a commodity or even a possession and try to see each person as a unique loving, wonderful addition to your life.
ix. Consider “dating” and “courting” again without dropping lines in the sand to imaginary goals
x. Know and believe that those of this generation are changing the monogamy rules and making multi-partner relationships a non-taboo subject and a viable-realistic-sustainable option.
A6b. This is what we hope to share with the world and members of www.polymatchmaker.com " Love has no limit to orientation, gender or time-frame. Love is not equal. Love is a gift" a shareable wonderful treasure that if treated ethically could produce amazing rewards.
In closing, we hope and ask that you use all of our replies in context as they were written. If you have any further questions, we would be more than happy to answer them and supply our humble insight to assist with the topic of Ethical Non-Monogamy. Thank you for reaching out to us " it means a lot!
Non-Monogamous Relationships & Dating
Consensual Non-Monogamous Relationships & Dating
Ethical Non-Monogamous Relationships & Dating
Responsible Non-Monogamous Relationships & Dating
Polyamorous Relationships & Dating
Open Relationships & Dating
Multi-partnered Relationships & Dating
Triad Relationships & Dating
Quad Relationships & Dating
Network Relationships & Dating
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