Have you forgotten how to date?
By Abbie_Masse on Saturday July 05, 2014

All too often I receive PMM mail from members complaining that they are not getting the responses that they want. I have some tough news for you - it could be you!

Think about what you say or don't say within your bio/description.

Bad Bio Phrases
Phrases in bios that display a sense of entitlement and may put-off a reader/potential partner:
A. "You must be..."

B. "Will not settle for less than..."

C. "You must love... (enter people/things here)"

Change these absolutes. Life is not black and white, especially in this day and age.

Who the heck are you?? Why are you interesting??
Not taking the time to write about who you are and what you can offer a potential mate displays a lack of willingness to put yourself fully into seeking a partner. Why not discuss your hobbies or dreams or goals? They add to your mystique and may intrigue a reader!

OMG your bio/description is to long
Bios and descriptions are NOT blogs! Please don't use them as such because the average member will lose interest fast. Though you may be a writer, poet, or just really, really friendly, most members would like to sum you up in 500 characters per section or less. Below is a really good example of a good description.

Good description
"Hi, I'm a 37 year old blonde with brown eyes who is seeking a LTR. I'd like to actually date potential partners before getting into anything serious to see if there is potential for a long term relationship. I enjoy sci-fi, evenings, playing Rob Zombie rather loudly in my car, and treat my 2 small dogs as children. It is important to note that I am not religious but do not mind discussing theology. I have a wonderful career and would like my partners to have goals and a stable source of income as financial security is important to me." (441 characters)

PMM Mail and general contact
Use PMM email to mention that you are interested in talking, and try not to look DESPERATE.

What do I mean by desperate? "Hi, I am (name) and I like you, here is my phone number / email address, we should talk now!"


Does that work for you? This is not a bar!

Most people would consider that type of initial correspondence rude, pushy, desperate, and unsettling. If you use PolyMatchMaker mail, make the most out of it by taking your time to see if you are compatible with your intended interest. Try not to engage in long lists of questionnaires with hopes that someone with whom you don't know would want to take time out of their day to answer them. Remember the name of this article: "Did you forget how to date?". Take your time! You have it. Get to know someone. Find out if your interests match before the mega questions, the personal email addresses, the phone numbers. This is not a bar. This is, however, the best place to meet like-minded people who believe in ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, and honest open-relationships.

So, you've made it this far and all I have mentioned is what not to do when it comes to searching for new partners. This is what you could do.

A. Be positive in your bio and description

B. Poke people you are interested in to see if there is interest back. You will not know until you try! It's a button for goodness sake!

C. Engage members in meaningful ways that are not pushy or desperate in nature. Ask them about their day, what they are reading, what their career goals are, or what their highest score was on their favorite video game

D. PMM mail your interest in the morning, just to say hi and wish them a good day and again in the evening.

These are easy examples of courting your intended, not pushing them into a corner where you are then forever deemed desperate, creepy, or a troll.

Just like dating in the "real-world", take it slow, don't be aggressive, be loving and supportive and... date again.

As always - love to you all!

Abbie Masse